This I Believe...

This is an essay submitted to NPR's "This I Believe" segment, November 2005, as part of a writing assignment that featured a 'defining moment'. Instructor and classmates' comments follow.

“I believe in a woman’s right to choose. I will march in protest, to defend that right. I will fight, until my last breath to keep that right. I do not however, believe in abortion.”

Those few sentences, and that mixed belief, got me ‘0’ on a college project. The assignment was a debate. Although, I didn’t know that until we were asked to take a seat on either, the ‘Pro-choice’ or ‘Pro-life’, side.

“There are no seats in the middle,” I pointed out, knowing my feelings all too well, and they didn’t really fit either category.

“That’s the point,” the instructor replied, “It’s called a debate.”

There were a few snickers, from somewhere. I remember blushing with humiliation, anger and, a little sadness as well. I moved a desk between sides and did not participate.

I suppose humiliation and anger are understandable. The sadness, I’ll explain. You see, this was a ‘lifestyles’ class for my major—teaching, special education. From the first day I decided to teach, I’d dreamt of being ‘that’ junior-high teacher, the cool one, my students could turn to when…then I’d fill in the blank with all manner of interesting problems they might share with me.

If I wanted to be that teacher, however, I could never take sides in this. It certainly would not be my place there, at Anywhere Jr. High. We’d gotten ‘the speech’ on impartiality the first week. “You must not preach your personal beliefs…” “There must be no confusion between church and state…” So what was the point here? After all it was nobody’s business but our own. Was the instructor merely curious? Did he forget a lesson plan that day? Was this some kind of weird test? I asked. He ignored.

When the class divided, it went much as I expected. All those representing the various religions—a few of them I knew from my own church—sat to one side. The ‘party-ers’, avid feminists and a few of the remaining guys—who were trying to get in good with the feminists—sat on the other. And me, I just wasn’t sure how this could be relevant.
Pro-choice/Pro-life, did it really matter, if we couldn’t teach it?

Two minutes into this ‘debate debacle’, I stared in awe at the hypocrites all around me. I listened to the volleying arguments and how they all jumped, to defend their personal beliefs, forgetting all about their promises. Shouting out— “The Bible says…” “No, they need more education about condoms, birth control, abstinence…” “…Abortion should be available, but only if the baby might be born severely disabled…” “Our kids are more vulnerable…they need to know about abortion…” It made me sick. Had the last two years meant anything to my fellow students, or were they going to go out there and teach whatever they wanted?

That was 1985. So why, in today’s America, do I feel like the last twenty years meant nothing to my fellow Americans—that we are, as a country, regressing not progressing—and that the separation of church and state is as much a myth today as it was then?

Just my thoughts,
~K.M. Breeden

Replies/Comments:

Your instructor/Dr. Eva Shaw writes: "Karen: Fine writing, and while I can not/and better not give my two cents on the topic, I can on your crafting. It's vital, strong and well edited. I'm proud of you. Eva"

Toni writes: "I admire the strength of your conviction. Unfortunately, the backdrop of your experience would probably play out the same way today. I don't think you sounded preachy at all. You made a statement, shared your insights, and questioned the path of argument. This is wonderful, Karen. It is frightening to think that we are regressing rather than progressing. Kudos."

LJ writes: "Karen B - This really hit home. And no, you don't sound preachy. And yes, I know the feeling of being in the middle, in the "gray" area. I think you set our your "argument" rather well - food for thought here."

Lois writes: "You've pointed out some real gray areas here. Nice use of dialogue to bring it to life."

Tess writes: "Karen, the quality of this essay is outstanding. You really did a good job with this. You really got your thoughts across. You should have someone else read this aloud to you - so you can hear how good it sounds and how powerful it is as an essay."

jpenni writes: "This is a wonderful piece - it is a sad but very true issue. Your wording and use of dialogue is good and rings true. You should be proud of this piece. I agreed with all the other comments too.